So. New Years wasn’t all that. And it’s my fault.

We started at the British New Year celebration at 4 p.m. Ok, well, 2 p.m. because we had to get a table. Which the Nudist happened to be holding down with a cute friend. The rest of the crowd arrived, many- many-many pints drank and then back to my house to get us all ready for dinner. Nudist and C’s ex weren’t planning on coming but somehow got roped into the festivities. Dinner at Fancy Restaurant, wine, wine, wine, wine…bill.

So the bill arrives it’s just me and the Nudist (who didn’t eat, just kissed me a lot) and C’s ex. I was pissed. Everyone else had skipped the table for the bar. I throw down my card and split it with Cs ex PISSED OFF. Turns out C had given me $60 towards it but I was in a haze of drunkenness and kissing the Nudist and didn’t realize it. I throw a tantrum and essentially call her cheap and get really upset about all the times this has happened – which even now I still feel has been a few too many times. But she also has picked things up here and there. It’s just, most friends money isn’t a big deal with, but I’ve always felt screwed by her. So I throw a hissy.

Massive dramatic screaming match….then she ditches us.

Blah, blah, we make up the next day at the party I’m hosting for the Bowl games. La-dee-d a.

I don’t feel like getting into the semantics. I guess I’m writing this like maybe I had a point in being pissed off, so I guess I feel I do, but I also should have handled it better. Maybe she should have too.

Funny. All week I’ve been feeling shitty about this but writing it out just now….I feel ok. Like, I wasn’t so off base. And it’s been worked out…to an extent. But I also don’t feel much like hanging around her at present and our social lives are totally dependent on each other. I mean, I’m happy to go out by myself but…it would just be weird. And she has other friends. Though I don’t have other girlfriends aside from M but she’s on her way back to NY. There are casual friends, but not Girls I Do Everything With like them. And she’s a Never Lets Anything Go Type, this “issue” will be there as long as we’re friends. And, maybe it’s evident, but she’s been driving me insane in LOT OF OTHER WAYS lately.

So how come I’m sitting here all Pathetic Pearl and wondering why she hasn’t called to find out what I’m up to tonight?

Oh, but, no, I’m SO not calling.

Because I’m apparently 12.

On a positive note I did take home the Nudist again on NYE night. But M was crashing on my sofa and even with his plaintive, “we totally can, she’s snoring” it didn’t happen. And I didn’t go to Pint Nite like I said I would. So, eh. My interest isn’t that strong.

Dev (rich older guy I’ve been on/off with since last January – also the guy who made a big deal of dumping me at sushi last May and then chasing me all over a brewfest in September trying to get me back.) Anywho. So Dev is at Guitar Camp the next few weeks so I don’t even have his distraction.

On the plus side maybe I’ll actually get some laundry done this weekend.

Why do I feel the need to fill every moment of the weekend with party, party, party and friends. I used to love spending time alone, what happened?

And so, it’s Friday afternoon and I’m pretty exhausted but the thought of going home and behaving myself…depressing. Going out on my own also seems a little sad. I could call the Little Brother but he’s a bit odd and I just dunno. I’ve put my eggs too much in one basket so I probably should go out and try to make some new friends. Or go do my damn laundry.