Updating from work….might get fired. Just…suddenly inspired to provide a smattering of email between me and my girlfriends to record for posterity sake How Much I LOVE My Life.

I miss you all and promise to buy a computer. Soon. Ish.

And while I’m posting this…I feel I’m jinxing myself. My life went from on-paper/online to in reality. And reality has been amazing. I’m afraid of loosing it all. Which is silly. I know. But part of why I don’t come hear anymore. Too much past.

EMAILS:

Monday – From Me (relating how I hooked up again with the guy I dated for 3 months at the show for the guy in a band that I’ve also been sort of seeing):

Subject: GAH!!!!

Good morning ladies! Hope you had fun at Macy’s. I, of course, have gotten myself into trouble again.

D----. Was it just me C---- or had we been there just a few minutes before he came over? And then the inviting me to the St-----rry Blues Fest, in a casual way, but still, he later elaborated it was a few day camping sort of thing. Did he really intend to invite me away on a weekend-ish thing? Then he goes on and on to Murph while we’re outside having a smoke about how great my apartment is. Did he intend to be intoning he’d spent some time at my place to Murph? (But, C---- just after he’d invited me over to watch his fireworks tape he invited you as well, so…I’m so confused.) Then walks me home. Then asks to come up (*asks* this is a new thing for him – and I knew I should say no, but of course didn’t.) Then as soon as we sit down on the sofa curls up with me and says how much he missed this. WTF???? Of course he stayed, Chinese was ordered, Bug DVD was not watched…and I’ve got hickeys. Hickeys!! I’m 30!! And I have to be wearing a turtle neck to work. And, sorry to be all TMI, but he slept so close to me it was ridiculous. I’d pull away and he’d just inch over more. This morning he said he probably wouldn’t be able to see me until next week because he’s going to the blues thing and he’ll give me a call and then kept holding onto me. The hell? Is this a case of “I don’t want you, but don’t want anyone else to have you.” Arg!!!

Ok. Thanks for letting me get that out. I am happy, in a way. It was really nice to be with him and I wasn’t nervous around him like I used to be. But, but, but…I don’t know. I feel a little bad too because of Mr. Football, but he didn’t call. And I’ve felt like I’ve been initiating things with him. And he’s moving away. So, whatever. Then there is S--- but I don’t want to be with S---- and he’s also doing the “I don’t want you but don’t want anyone else to be with you” bullsh-t. Because he’s been really not making an effort lately.

And my calculator on my desk just clicked away a few times and I didn’t touch it. Freaky.

Sorry to be all crazy with the boy problems. I’m just spun. I didn’t expect this to happen. I’d written him off as nothing more that a b-call sometime. But it seems like he wants to date me again? I’m glad he’s going to be out of town. Really glad. I need to get my head straight.

From Me replying to a friend who is traveling abroad:

Yeah!!! Soooo awesome to hear from you! Last night on the way back from the Palms C--- said she was going to try to email you when she got home, since it was around 11 p.m. our time. We missed you.

The show was awesome! At the merchandise table before the show I mentioned to the guy sellin' stuff that the CD "Distance Between" got me through a really hard time (Grandma passing and my divorce) and he said, "yeah, I wrote it during a hard time." WAAAAHH! It was the singer/writer/DUDE!!! OMG. Then halfway thru the show he said, "someone mentioned this CD got them thru a hard time, I wrote it during a hard time" and I think something like so I'm doing this song or something. I really hadn't had much to drink I just don't recall what exactly he said, but it was for ME. Heeeheee! I almost started crying and then they played "Distance Between." HOLY CRAP! One of the most awesome experiences of my life!

C---- got hit on by the Hot Surfer Sound Guy. And we know if we'd hung out a bit we could have probably partied with the band after, I think the singer said, "bye ladies" as we left. But...I'm a lot of things, but no groupie. Sometimes the "what if" is better than the reality. Plus, I'm sure we'll see them again if something is meant to be.

Anywho. Enough about us! I'm so excited for you! Can't wait to hear all about your adventures!

Tell the queen I said "hi."