Greetings from Spokane!

Been having the best time! Neko will probably tell all about our drinking and walking and dining and fun much better than me. But at some point these hangovers are gonna catch up with me. This morning I was trying to pluck a stray eyebrow and could barely get the tweezers in the right place. Hmmm. Time to dry out!!!

So. I’m doing really well. Ok. Better than that. Fucking FANTASTIC!!!

Had/having (not entirely sure yet) a fling. With someone I really shouldn’t be having a fling with. I mean, it’s great. And the sex absolutely mind-blowing! But. It really can’t go anyplace and that’s fine with me. I don’t want a relationship and I love being on my own. So maybe he’s right for Mr. Right Now. He’s older, a friend of my parents, their neighbor in fact. We got together last Saturday night when he stopped by their boat to hang out. After my parents went to bed we walked up from the docks to a bar. He asked me to kiss him (at the bar and where some mutual aquaintances could see - which we realized the next day was not the smartest thing) and I did. I pounced. I attacked him.

And it’s a funny odd little story of two drunk people going home together that I just don’t have the energy to tell to it’s potential (because I’m HUNG OVER. Again.) But suffice to say furniture was broken along with a lamp and we’re both recovering with bruises. Yet it was divine in a way I haven’t felt divine in 8 years. (Which I’m now considering the “eight most boring year’s of my life” and history.)

He’s there and yet not. I think we’ll be seeing each other again, last night we had a nice little phone call and he’s going to take me to a belated birthday dinner and promised to replace the broken furniture (not necessary, I fixed it.)

For lack of a better way to explain him...he’s Mr. Big from Sex and The City. 17 years older than me, handsome in a quirky way, stupidly wealthy, lives in his perfect home with his perfect cars/Harley/horses and probably harem of girls around. I haven’t seen or heard them, but I know that they’re there someplace. Hence why my parent’s would be very upset about me hooking up with him (not that it should matter, I’m 30 and I live on my own, etc. but they definitely don’t hold a high opinion of him.) That said, the fact that we shouldn’t be fucking makes it all the fucking better. I think sneaking around is maybe the most fun you can have with your clothes off.

I’d sent Neko an email last week that I think probably told it a little more, um, excitingly. Maybe she still has it and I could get her to post it. She’s in the green room. Will ask her when I’m done.

Anyways. I love my life exactly as it is it. Big is just a fun little thing right now. He’s my training wheels.

I’m MUCH better off now on my own than in that shitty relationship. Took me a long time to see that. But I was looking through my wedding album to find a pic of Big to show Neko and I felt nothing for the pictures (but I did find a pic of Big and I dancing - me in my wedding dress, him in his sunglasses and I find it hysterical/sexy/bizarre and tantalizing. Plus, I know it would absolutely kill my ex if he knew we’d hooked up.)
To think back to last year at this time it’s frightening. Who I am now and what I’ve achieved compared to that scared, trapped, desperately unhappy person - it’s frightening I let myself ever be there.

No more. Not ever again. The world is too big and too wonderful.

Here's the email I sent to Neko - I think it "captures" it a little better:

Well…I’ll have to save some of it for then. But, Saturday night he came down to the boat to chill with my parents (he’s a friend of theirs, neighbor, and I’ve known him for years – we danced at my wedding.) He’s divorced too, has a bit of a reputation as a ladies man and much older (like 17 years older.) We drank like 3 bottles of chardonnay (yikes!!!) and then decided to hit a bar. Where a bunch of my parent’s fellow boating people were and fortunately they were too trashed to have mentioned the full on make-out session we engaged in. We’d been sitting there when he asked me to kiss him (one of the few moments of the evening I remember) and I literally pounced. Then he wanted us to go back to my place on his Harley (he’s a pilot, very wealthy with a gazillion toys, nice house – a few doors down from my parents) but didn’t have a ! helmet for me and I’m not stupid enough to get on a bike with a guy whose been drinking like that. So we got a cab to my place. I have no recollection of getting to my house or into my place, but LOTS of recollection once we were in there. Completely mind-blowing! Except somehow we demolished my nightstand, broke a lamp (which he fixed.) The next morning stuff was everywhere – total mess. And what happened the next morning – incredible. Then we went back to find his bike – we couldn’t remember where he left it. Found it, but the battery was dead because he’d left all his fancy lights he’d been trying to impress me with on. It’s amazing it wasn’t stolen. Then we had bloody mary’s (which we desperately needed and tried to avoid running into my parents or their friends and being caught. Not that we particularly care, but neither of us really want anyone to know what is going on or what happened. Plus, it being a ! secret is all the more fun) We told the story that we took separate cabs separate direction, but he didn’t tell me part of it he told my dad and I nearly busted us. Then I drove him home because his bike was dead (and he fixed the pre-sets on my car stereo to local channels which I thought was sweet – all his fav stations) and then I checked out his house, he tried to do something else, but I knew I needed to get to the boat since it was my mom’s b-day. After seeing my parents I went home because I needed a nap – bad. He called about 3 p.m. because he was back at my parent’s boat with some friends and he wanted me there. So, I went down. Except he kept trying to kiss me and hold on to me when my dad wasn’t looking, which was fun. He and his friend’s eventually went to eat dinner and he wanted me to go along, I declined ‘cuz my rents and I had dinner plans (which they flaked on so I wish I’d gone to dinner with him.) So, that’s it. I really don’t see anything long term. He asked for my number and stuff. But, honestly, knowing his reputation I’d rather just keep this as a fling. Plus, we don’t really have a lot in common not to mention the age difference. It’s just such a HUGE ego boost and I finally feel so completely over Rob it’s insane. Like – why didn’t this happen earlier! I hope we hang out from time to time, but that’s all. OK – I PRAY no one else sees this email – but I HAVE to tell you about it.