I firmly believe that when you feel you are faced with too many options Fate will make the decision for you. One way or the other.

So I decided to stay here in Sacramento to fight off fate getting me fired or something.

It’s….home of sorts. Place I missed almost constantly in LA. Family, job, and safety net attached. I rationalize I wanted to live here for so long, that just because a sweeter pasture was dangled, I can’t just take off. I’d forever be saying, “man, I wonder if I’d stayed in Sac this (day wouldn’t be so bad, guy would like me, - insert lament.)”

Now I’m headfirst into apartment hunting. And again I remind myself I should be so lucky to have my pick of mid-range apartments in a town I always wanted to live in. But, no. I’m eternally wanting more and am bummed I can’t find a 1000 square foot Victorian with perfect wood floors, quaint and original kitchen, washer/dryer, and parking space out front with my name on it. Or, better yet, a garage.

See – you just can’t have all that. I can have one or the other or the other. Especially in midtown where rents don’t seem to be feeling the “overabundance of apartments” the rest of the town is. Naturally I want to live in the most expensive, but crime ridden and traffic challenged area. Such is why we go together so well, me and midtown - long history there.

(Man, if anyone still reads this, I’m sorry. Whine whine. Oooh! Look! I have WINE!! Tin Roof Chard, yummm. Neko, it’s the same one we had at the Elk.)

In a nutshell, I want what I can’t afford. Sure, within budget I found a really beautiful but terribly small duplex. It had a yard, garage, and the square footage of a postage stamp. Then I found a impossibly beautiful and perfectly located Victorian with huge closets and a porch (i.e. smoking area.) But I worry about parking because it’s not so much easy in that part of town and there are gaggles of hoodlums that break into cars nightly for heroin money.

Today I did the unthinkable. Looked online at the zillions of freshly baked, sterilized and pasteurized hundred-unit complexes in the middle of cornfields. For $15 more per month than the Victorian I can have a walk in closet, veranda, gourmet kitchen, high speed internet, sattelite tv, alarm, window seats, garage, brand new washer/dryer, tiled entry, and more square footage than my ass will ever fill up…..and they allow pets. (My attachment to the 7 inch tall 20 inch long sausage of love – a.k.a. Corky the Weeny Dog has grown to obscene levels and I might just really, really need a yapping bundle of love of my own. She’s sitting here at my feet as I type, quite upset I’m not in the chair holding her as usual.) Course, these apartments are in the middle of suburbia too.

I have no idea what I’ll choose and this is what scares me…fate will make her own decision.

Now. More wine.