I’ve been a very bad Dlander…it’s going to take me days just to catch up. And considering ya’ll have been The Source of Hope and Direction lately I feel damn guilty.

So. I’ve been settling in. There have been VERY bad moments. When I feel like I’m going to wake up from a dream and everything will be the way it was. And a few dreams that he is in. Aside from that shit, stuff is good.

I got my hair Did. I mean…DID. It’s now super shaggy layers and nearly black. Sounds weird, but it’s very flattering on my chubby-but-getting-less-so face. And shortish. But I love it. In about 45 minutes I’m getting my feets did. Awwwe yeah.

Aside from personal hygiene I’ve been busy planning the decorations for my parent’s crab feed on Saturday night. It’s like a block party, but at their house and with about 70 close friends. My first foray into their social scene sans husband. I hope there is a cute guy that likes chubby girls someplace. Otherwise, sister-in-law (soon to be ex) is going to come so I can spend some time with her.

It’s odd. For losing so much, I feel like I’m gaining. My bank account is happier than it has ever been, I’m super excited about my job, and it’s been nice not worrying about “this weekend I’m going to have to spend it drinking with His friends until God Knows When and I’ll still be bitched at.” No more of that = FUCKING GREAT.

My parents are fun to be around. Tonight we’re going out for sushi and each evening it’s nice to sit around talking, watching a movie, or just “being” and not being alone. I didn’t realize how much of my time was alone. Sure, GAT is great – but not when it’s your life (or the only thing you’ve got to look forward to in your life.)

And I’m going to buy my first TV on my own. And some furniture. And probably a loft in Dowtown (when they’re built.)

And why do I feel so good about that, the possibility of buying a place? Because today while out running errands I decided to stop by and introduce myself at my new office. That might have been one of the best things I’ve done lately. These people are REAL. Wonderful, funny, salt-of-the-earth types, and informal (i.e. much different from corporate.) They welcomed me with open arms and the assistant general manger took me to lunch at my favorite brew pub (course I only had ice tea) but that’s just so damn nice. That’s it – these people are nice. I’ve got my key to the office and, yeah, I feel I have something fun to look forward to.

That said, no more days of spending all day online. Only a few computers have internet access in the office and, well, I’m going to have to do Real Work and it’s a very busy office with people all around. So I will be even more scarce, but there is always here at home and I’m sure at some point I’ll tire of spending each evening latched to my ‘rents and will spend more time online.

It may sound funny, but I’m soooooo excited to work at The Mall. It’s very urban and outdoors, the people bustling along range from lawyers, to politicians, to state workers, to homeless. And the architecture is very city like, unlike your normal concept of a mall. Plus, we’re going to redevelop all of it and I’ll get to be part of that process. It’s just really exciting. I’d been on first dates at that mall, lunches with mom and grandma, it’s just a real part of my life – now I get to work there!!!

So I feel better now than I have the last few days. I’m feeling a bit more at home. I still miss things about LA, but I can always visit – or not. Maybe it’s best to let the past be the past and work on the present.

Actually, I’ve always lived in the past to some extent and now I really don’t feel that. I’m very much about the future. It’s good.

And, again, I wouldn’t have been able to survive the last few weeks without ya’ll.

Oh, and, let the travel planning commence. I ain’t got no rent – so let’s travel!!!! I will never miss another Pork Love gathering, again, amen.