Thank you for your wise comments, and Neko I think I’ll take your advice. The janitors do provide those seat cover thingies and a subtle reminder to use them or to clean up is a great idea. But I’ll deal with it later, because shortly after I wrote that entry I got the call that I’d been expecting. Grandma died.

For a few minutes I stared out my office window, silently letting the tears fall so the bullpen of architects outside didn’t hear.

Then I confirmed my bosses Towncar from the airport, sent him an email to his Blackberry with his phone messages and told him I’d be leaving for the day.

I went home and lost it. Rob, of course, worked late and then took his fucking bitch partner home where he had a few beers with her (“to let the traffic die down”) and then FINALLY came home. At which point I was laying on the sofa clutching my Dog Pillow and bawling in the dark. Lovely. Really. Where’s the handling things with grace?

But surprisingly he was very supportive and talked to me and really made me feel better. Then he booked me on a flight up to Sacramento for this evening so I can spend the weekend with my mom – which I’d been sort of thinking of doing, but really couldn’t stomach putting another full-fare ticket on my credit card. He put it on his company Amex and I have NO intention of paying it back.

His being there, albeit late (and yes, traffic was positively horrific because ever since the rains it seems everyone in LA leaves the office promptly at 5 p.m. – it’s as bad as when the Lakers are in the play-offs) really made me feel better about him as well and where we are and where I hope we will be.

(And I’ve looked into a marriage counselor.)

No matter how much I expected this, it was heartbreaking – really, my heart actually hurts. But that could also be because my diet lately consists of saltines, water, and wine in the evenings. I’m wearing a skirt I could hardly button a week ago.

I knew it was coming and it is a relief in a way, I know its part of life, I know all those rational things, but it just doesn’t matter. Right now I selfishly feel like wallowing in this, all my grandparents are now gone. She was the last, the strongest, the best. I have never known anyone else with so much personality, love, attitude, strength, and heart. Not to mention she was beautiful, I mean a stunning woman – she was even on the cover of a magazine back when she was about 22 (I’ve got one of the photos and I’ll be getting it professionally framed shortly - it’s so beautiful.)

So hopefully I’ll get out of here early today – soon as some urgent work is completed and I’ll make my way to LAX (for the THIRD weekend in a row) to fly. It’ll be good to be home. Tomorrow we’ll go down to the boat and take off the Christmas decorations (my parents decorated their boat for the Christmas parade) and then we’ll probably “proceed to drink” and bar hop through the Delta. Have dinner at Guisti’s overlooking the flats, toast Grandma many times, and get ourselves put back together to move on.