You can’t see it but there is a giant vice clamped tightly around my skull and it’s producing a nearly unbearable amount of pain. Many thanks go to me for doing this to myself and creating this pain by drinking a tiny-tad-lot too much Merlot last night. Ooops.

Since returning home I’ve been systematically destroying the weight loss I achieved while on vacation. I’ve become a Carb Hoover.

On that note, I’m craving Dim Sum wicked bad and will be making a jaunt over to Chinatown this weekend to procure said Dim Sum. Even though there is a restaurant one block from my office that has it, but it is crap and does not compare to the tiny scary bakery I get my “almost as good as San Francisco Dim Sum” at downtown.

I painted my nails for the first time in two weeks last night and realized that I think they looked better just natural with clear polish like I’d had them. If I were to give up my nail obsession I think I’d easily gain several more hours to each week. Who am I and what happened to me?

I’ve bought three Christmas gifts – a tiny jade elephant I picked up in Belize for my mom. It will go well with her “Out of Africa” themed home. And some Smashbox lip-gloss for my sister-in-law Cristina because I don’t think she splurges enough on fun stuff for herself. Also ordered an out of print book for someone that I don’t even like but have to get a gift for and I know she loves Manta Rays so I think she will enjoy “The Girl From The Sea of Cortez.” But I’m sort of kicking myself for going through so much trouble for someone who has pretty much directly caused a lot of pain for me in the last year. Best not to think too hard on it, actually, because if anyone deserves a brick hard fruit cake it is her (preferably the size of piano and dropped from the top of a very high building.)

I rant about this every year, but I really don’t know why I put so much effort into this stuff. The people I truly care about and wish I could give as much happiness as possible to rarely even get a thing from me, I push them to the back burner while the usual suspects of pseudo friends, business associates, and demanding family always sap my gifting energy (not to mention money.) And then I feel bad because I’m focusing on the “musts” instead of the special surprises that can make this season great.

Plus, it’s all so damn Expected. And I feel like Christmas in my family is all about the “what are you getting for me?” more than anything else. And with Rob’s family their so crass as to simply exchange money!

But I’m totally 100% guilty of it too, I’ve bitched plenty about the crap I get. For instance: Last year my parents gave us a 400 page wine guide (which makes zero sense because I rarely spend over $20 for a bottle of wine. And don’t give two shits about it so long as it tastes good, I’m definitely not a fine connoisseur) and a panini maker (which is essentially a huge ass counter top grill, think George Forman but completely impractical and only for sandwiches, considering my parents have been to our apartments and know I have about one square foot of counter space in my miniscule kitchen - what the FUCK where they thinking?) It’s still here in the box in my office because I don’t have space at home the damn thing.

I have to wonder if my family actually knows us at all. My step-brother’s family always give Rob Polo shirts with the stupid ass little ponies on them and usually in a pastel – which is the stuff *they* wear, but my husband would never in a gazillion years put on. It boggles the mind, truly. Have they ever LOOKED at him? He’s a built like a defensive tackle thus pastels aren’t really good. The man thinks camouflage is the New Black and wanted to put Astroturf in the bathroom, does that sound like a man that would wear a Polo Pony on his chest? Oy.