I’d been skirting around doing the formal “Generic Large American Corporation Performance Review” for a few years now. I work for an outside consultant to the company and I’m usually forgotten about (which I like) – although I’ve gotten decent little raises, I just haven’t had to “rate” myself for a while.
Until now…they tracked me down.
Let me just say that our HR department is probably like any other Large American Corporation’s HR department – located on a floor far above everyone in some corner and completely out of sight and mind of your average employee. I think you need to know a secret handshake and a password to even know where exactly they are.
If I were to get sexually harassed or break a bone getting my boss his morning coffee I’d have no friggin’ CLUE who to report it to – aside from my boss and he doesn’t know either.
It’s not a real good system and used to be a lot better way back when, but they had a big “shake-up” in that department and now it’s horrible. But as long as I get a paycheck I really don’t care. (Although I think I’m still claiming S1 on my taxes because I don’t know who to give the new W4 to.)
But now I have to rate myself. On “measurable” type things. Here’s what I’ve got so far:
• I can dial the phone!!
• I get my boss his coffee quickly and it’s always ½ milk, ½ coffee and microwaved for 1 minute to ensure that it’s hot.
• I get my boss lunch when necessary and almost always remember to tell them not to put a pickle in the box.
• I can file stuff!
• I answer the phone with a chipper voice.
• I’ve memorized at least 50 phone numbers so that I can get people quickly without looking them up.
• I can type letters and emails!
• When I was informed that there would be construction on our storage space, with about 2 hours notice, I managed to consolidate four file cabinets into 1 all while wearing a too-tight suit, three inch heels, and sweating like a pig because the a/c wasn’t working! Thus demonstrating my flexibility with poorly organized company procedures!
Blech. I hate this BS.
On the positive – the HR person that has tracked me down for this evaluation will now be subject to my six million questions.
