I really do try my hardest not to talk about Stuff Political because this is My Diary and it’s chief purpose is for me to poke fun of bad drivers and my unnecessarily, and much very self-inflicted, hilariously fucked up life. Which really isn’t that f-ed up at all, actually, (or hilarious) just littered with bad days here and there. And lots of hangovers! Go hangovers!! Woohoo!

See I’m sort of tired of it being the general opinion of pretty much everyone (now isn’t that a cute little redundant statement? and badly phrased) that anyone who ISN’T a liberal democrat has sixteen toes on each foot, devil horns growing out of their head, sulfuric gases spewing from their lips, a forked tongue, and a body covered in moldy yellowish-green scales. You get the picture and I’m not the one that painted it.

It gets pretty irritating and that is why I feel I should just expose my forked tongue and scaled body – say my peace and be done with it, come out of the closet. (Though let me preface this by saying that yes, indeed, I do think W is a Class A Doofus, ok? Hang onto that rock for another few lines - then throw.)

And now I’ll continue…for no reason, but here it is (oh, and I love you all and thank you for being so wonderful to me, you’re great people and it’s been nice knowin’ ya’ because I’m sure you’ll never want to talk to me again.)

So on with it:

I’m pro-choice. Also I think that if Bob wants to marry Greg more power to ‘em (and I bet that is one fabu registry!) Same goes for Sally and Jane. Heck, if Billy wants to marry Fido I’m all for it. Whatever. Go nuts. On that same note, I also think if David in southern Utah wants 15 wives…so be it. I disagree, of course, but so be it.

I’m not real keen on someone telling me I’m not smart enough to control my own money – because I am and I’ve got the 401k, savings, etc., to prove it. Or having someone hold my hand and say, “you must wear a seatbelt if you’re in a car and a helmet if you’re on a motorcycle” because I maintain if you’re stupid enough not too then good riddance and enjoy that Darwin Award. (I worked for the Republican lobbyist in Sacramento who fought those laws so maybe I’m just a tad biased because he was such a great guy. We ultimately lost. I believe Montana is the only state left where you don’t have to wear a helmet. So much for the concept of the Feds not telling the States what to do, RIP.)

I also have a 9 under the bed – as in a semi-auto. And one of my favorite pastimes when I lived in the country was shooting cans off a log in the back 40 with a shotgun. (Boy howdy and awe shucks! I’m just a stupid hick with a gun! ~oh how I WISH there was a big fat “eyeroll” I could insert there.)

Sure I love the beauty of nature but I’m all for drilling for oil in Alaska. Reindeers-shmeindeers. Also off the coasts and wherever else we can find it. Let’s stop sucking Saudi’s dick and do this for ourselves. So I’m very obviously NOT an environmentalist (though I do hate SUVs – based mostly on their hypocritical asshole owners sporting “Save the Whales” stickers while getting 8 mpg.) And my next car, after my small gas sipping (30+ mpg) Japanese compact quits, will be a Hybrid not because I’m trying to save the Spotted Whatever but because I want to tell the Middle East to take their oil, swallow hard, and choke on it. (Hmm, oil and oral sex all in one paragraph, who knew!)

My husband has a small business and in order to actually stay in business we have to NOT make a profit. That’s pretty screwed. Our tax system forces people to lie and cheat or just spend obscene amounts on DVDs and dinners out because “expensing” our profits is the only way we’ll actually “see” our profits. And I don’t care if you make $69 million-trillion a year you should not have to pay more than the guy that makes $30,000. I’m ALLLLLL for the FLAT TAX concept. But as things stand now just because you’re lucky (or hard working) enough to be successful you carry more of the burden and I just plain think that’s a LOAD of SHIT (or sheeee-it, since I’m a gun tote-in’ hick.) And yes I have a housekeeper too and I pay her cash and I’m sure there is a special place in hell for me and yada-yada – though I’m sure Imelda and I will have such a lovely time talking shoes.

Speaking of hell, I can’t friggin’ stand the “religious right,” they make me cringe and are a huge part of why Republicans get such a bad rap, but I also can’t stand the ACLU (see below.) Yes, leave God out of it, but unfortunately way-back-when he was sort put there regardless. Everyone should have the right to believe whatever the hell they want to…be it snake charming in West Virginia or silly red kabala strings in Hollywood. (I’ll laugh at you, but you’re free to do it.) If your idea of freedom and the right to pursue happiness is to live in a cabin up in the woods growing mold on your ass while worshiping Satan then have the hell at it.

And the ACLU. Really. Don’t. Suing LA to take the cross and the mission off the City Seal is fucking stupid! The cross represents HISTORY. Why don’t we just change Santa Monica to SM so as not to refer to Saint Monica since, ya’ know, that’s super scary reee-ligious. Ok…moving along before I bust something…

And if you blow up an abortion clinic you should get blown up too. So, yes, I do also believe in the death penalty. In fact, bring back public hangings!

I also believe in stem cell research, legalized drugs (excuse me, Nancy, can we just admit that “war” isn’t gonna be won), and racial profiling at the airport (it wasn’t my 80 year old grandmother that ran a plane into the WTC, ‘aight.) El Al has their shit down straight and we should do everything possible to emulate their system – that’s one place where I’m more than happy to sacrifice personal freedoms.

And why the hell don’t we have a nationalized health care system?????!!!! (Because of those crooked son-of-a-bitch insurance companies, that’s why, and I FULLY realize how much dinero they give to the GOP every year but let’s not forget they ALSO give it to the Democrats.)

So where am I going with this? I’m just saying that for someone like me, and my husband, it’s really hard for us to find a place we fit politically. Based on (some) of the above though the fact remains that “place” falls a bit more to the right than to the left, especially when it comes to things “fiscal” and things like “right to bear arms” (~ducking to avoid those rocks being thrown at me~) but that is who we are.

Hate me if you want! Instantly despise me! My green scales are showing!! Ahhhhh!! But I listen and read and pay attention to people when they talk about their beliefs (yes, even when it’s about how completely asinine they believe Republicans to be.) And I agree or disagree, but I don’t instantly disregard them - I *think* about what they’re saying. I’m open to having my views changed, opened. Yet, when I share my opinions (I’m referring to “in real life” because prior to this I’ve never expressed this here) I get told I’m a fucking idiot and that no one with an ounce of brain could possibly be a Republican. (A dandy and effective argument, fer’sure.)

I mean, aren’t Democrats supposed be the more tolerant of the two?

Proclaiming that ALL Republicans are scaly warmongering beasts isn’t much different from someone saying that all Democrats are baby killing hippies. Neither statement is true or remotely useful. I surmise that blaming Republicans for All That Is Wrong is easier than accepting the Democrats, ALSO, are responsible for the shit storm blowing around the world.

And I just love, I mean truly freakin’ adore, how at every election you have “the other side” (either side that is) proclaiming how when they take office suddenly we’re going to be living in a peaceful utopia where everyone makes at least $100k a year, owns nice little MacMansion in Anytown, vacations at Disneyland, and there won’t be any crime. Oh, in this election added in is that the terrorist will suddenly “like us,” oil prices will go down, and the stock market will hit 20,000, North Korea will destroy all their nukes and sunshine will become the cure for AIDS. Empty promises, much? (Ok, and yes, I exaggerate…super-duper-much.)

But last night watching the debate I kept screaming at Kerry, “oh yeah, and HOW ya’ gonna do that!”

Not that Bush said a damn thing and I don’t care that he’s off the juice, I swear what that guy really wanted to say is, “so, ya’, heah-there John let’s go do some shots and some keg stands and figure this all out later! Oh, and looky here what I’ve got in my pocket…anyone got a straw? No. Fifty dollar bill?”

What I’m getting at is that regardless of which Wealthy Old White Guy is in the oval office there’s still gonna be war, disease, poverty, and “unfairness” in the world. Bush definitely does not support my beliefs, but nor does Kerry. You can be aligned with a party and not support the candidate. You can also hope and work toward that in the future your party’s views begin to reflect your own a little more.

So, yes, I’m a Republimonster. But I still don’t know who I’m voting for and neither does the husband (he being slightly more Righty-Republimonster than me and that he’s even slightly on the fence is a HUGE sign of his disillusionment.)

Obviously I read what a lot of great d-landers write so I’m aware of your opinion and how much you’re gonna despise me. You guys reference a lot of very powerful information that is definitely having an effect on me. I digest it and thank you for it.